12:37 am and I can’t sleep July 20, 2008

Coo coo cachoo!

So I thought I might update you all as to where I am in this wide world and how my summer is a flowin’ with and without my fellow Collective members.

For you who haven’t heard, I have been hired by the RAC to run their outreach program, called the Art Truck. This involves driving a large white van to daycamps all over Richmond and teaching arts and crafts for 1 hour sessions. I am working a ton-load and a half, 6-7 days a week and 40+ hours a week. I like this constantcy, but it’s also wearing me down. I finally understand the bone deep fatigue of an elementary school teacher, the total commitment that is necessary in order to run a successful children’s program of any kind. As much as this job is sucking everything out of me, I love the experience that it is giving me. One day I want to be the one running outreach programs out of some fabulous gallery or museum, so this training is invaluable.

 

On other fronts, I am constantly looking forward to Toronto and have spent hours and hours tweaking my schedule for the fall and scouring the message boards and forums for additional information and hints of what my life might look like once I am there. I’m enjoying my family for the last couple months and continue to see the amazing people I met this year at UBC through my UCM group. Life marchs on, I wander the streets of Vancouver in a lovestruck stupor and question my sanity on a regular basis. It’s summer and yet I can’t convince myself that it is, choosing instead to think about the city where I will spend my next year.

I can’t seem to make alot of sense at this hour and so I will leave you, my comrades in tea soaked arms.

Meghan

A Response to “To Those I Know Not Well” April 2, 2008

To the boy I have dubbed “Buddha”: I call you this not because of heftiness (quite contrarily you have the body of a certain late Ming; that of skin-colored concrete), but rather because of the dangerous serenity you exude morning after morning, with thin eyelids poised serenely over eyes that I see only when someone comes and sits next to you, disturbing your peace (this morning a businessman reading a suspicious-looking manual titled “Dinosaur Training”). I fear your complacency due to the fact that it is combined with a penchant for clothing yourslef in toques, shirts and bags that boast of your proficiency at “Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell.” I am breathlessly awaiting the moment at which those famous eyelids will fly open, a large gun will materialize in your hands and you will effortlessly flaunt your accumulated gaming “skilllz.” Until then I sit across from you each morning and watch for a flicker, a sign of what is to come.

To the obese Canada Postman who sits three rows from the front and has been reading womanly, feel-good titles like “The 7 People You Meet in Heaven” since the beginning of the year: Your odiferous bulk, taking up exactly 1.5 blue vinyl seats, has served you well. No one ever sits beside you and if they try, your overhang of a side-stomach starts growing at five times the speed of normal fungi and forces them out of the narrow remaining space. Sitting behind the tendrils of greasy grey hair that line your bald head with linear exactness, I can smell the desperation combined with glee that you exude.

To the middle-aged mother sporting the lurid 3/4 length purple trenchcoat: I can always picture quite clearly the four screaming toddlers you must have left at home; the dark bags under your eyes reflect their high-pitched pleas. I know this creation is your favorite piece of clothing (I’ve never seen you without it), but I also know that it hearkens from the 80s, as my mother owns its clone, hanging forlornly in our hall closet for years now. The neon toggles splattered across the front don’t convince me otherwise.

To the citizens of the morning 496 (8:16 or 8:31, depending on my efficiency), more analysis of your creature features is coming, as there remains much to extrapolate upon.

Selfish Orangutan March 27, 2008

I have made my decision. Many moons of constant, unrequitting questioning and searching have elapsed and so I now find myself the proud owner of a rare decision. I am going to Toronto this upcoming September, where I will be living for one linear school year at the very least. The reactions I have witnessed in the face of this news have been understandably varied, an experience which has been both unnerving and joyful. My favorite has been that of my mentor and close friend Jenna, who before I even finished saying “Toronto” threw up her hands and cheered. She has been amazingly unbiased in all our talks that involved me hashing out the details of my choices again and again, and has just now revealed that she was rooting for me to go the entire time. That sort of thing really makes my day. Existence is blissfully simplistic now that I have choosen my path. I walked home tonight in the dusk (at 8 pm! Exciting!) and caught the belly of the peach sky sticking out from the banks of clouds and was caught by the pressing reality that this category of moments is running low, that this is only my reality for a short while now, which is both exhilirating and terrifying. I am realizing that this combination soothes like Vick’s VapoRub, spicy with fear yet overally healing. Each day now is a run through of tasks to complete and tutorials and seminars to show my face at. All my days at UBC are tinted differently now that I know that my time there is limited, and that my stay on campus will be a short, one year window. That said, I truly think that this year has been so purposeful and not at ALL a waste. I plan on using it as reassurance and a base on which to build this different and intimidatingly new life.

Enough rambling and saccharine thoughts. The value of your Tea Collectiveness is enveloping and my tea is steeping, so I must go.

Meghan

So how was your day today? January 8, 2008

This is an important yet completely useless question, so here is my response for today, inspired by one of those annoying Facebook forwards:

Having the perfect amount of sour grapes in my breakfast: +1

Waiting an extra half hour in the toe congealing cold for a 496 bus that never came: -6

Listening to a hilarious podcast all the way to school: +3

Wimpering in the back of the bus with contained laughter whilst listening to a story involving a wave pool and loose shorts: +2

Killing myself, laughing out loud all down University Boulevard while listening to a stunt involving an upside down milk crate, a chicken, a surf board, a swimming pool, an eager dog and some mouth to beak CPR: +8

Missing the first half of a lecture done by the BEST artsOne lecturer on a topic I have to write an essay about: -4

Sharing a laugh with Gorgeous Mysterious Boy about the ridiculousness of a certain Frankenstein movie:+6

Being told by a gnome man managing UBC registration that they do NOT accept Mastercard: -2

Finding out that I have a disgustingly low limit on my debit card, after standing in line forever:-4

Being told by a grumpy bus driver to “WAKE UP AND BE READY FOR YOUR STOP ALREADY!!!”: -3

Snagging that oh-so-desirable spot in the armchair at the Starbucks on Granville and then snoozing there: +5

Waking up to find two confused German tourists staring at me: 0

The taste of African Red Bush tea in my esophagus: +2

Arguing with my boss about ridiculous hours and flexibility/impossibility: -6

Standing up to a coworker for a man with similar dietary issues to me when she called him “lazy” (all he wanted was his rye sliced!!): +5

The smell of Chicken Liver Mousse as he spread it on the rye: -1

Having all the Vietnamese bakers nod and wave at me, then burst out laughing as I left the room: -1

Being able to compose this all as I washed my frypan: priceless

For some things in life there’s Mastercard…just kidding. This was my first day back and I have no idea what it shows about the year to come.

I love you all.

M

Research ONLY! November 27, 2007

hello.

I have decided to post because of the combined brilliance/hilarity of Stef and Dana and Mike’s posts. You guys are inspiringly inspirational and have led me to test the waters of the Koerner Library’s “Research ONLY!” computer bilge. Well, it is truly research of the brilliance of my fellow tea sippers and is therefore worthwhile.

And Stef, I know exactly the feeling of being the one who walks around campus alone. I think the tricky thing is that every single student out at UBC has those moments, but forgets them once their assorted posses arrives.

SO art. Today our lifesize self portraits were due and we had a group “crit” as our TA puts it, hoping to trendify herself. We munched on green grapes (apparently a much missed food among rez-goers, along with dogs…to spend time with that is) and looked at the appalling array of work we had churned out all in the last 24 hours probably. The result really brought out the cynic in me, which was dissapointing to say the least. My friend Christine (gay, lives on Commercial drive, artist, drove around the states in a bio-fuel van; Awesome girl) is simply so positive constantly towards all these artworks that ranged from hideous to great and I sit and inwardly wonder. And try to squish the negative beneath my fat bottom, but it usually eeks out any how. It was the tone my class mates would use to try and interpret the positioning of the scarf in the photo, or the media of the border, that annoyed me. And the quite ridiculous at times connections they would draw between this and that dooodle to the person’s inner psyche. Yeesh!

On a seperate note, I am in the process of being interviewed at the Blenz on number 3 road. Dana, I quickly accelerate towards my destiny as your fellow barista. But at the same time it seems as though I finally like/cooperate with the people at my Safeway. All though their overiding fascination with seeing the boss drunk at the Christmas party is somewhat unnerving.

I rest with all the windows of my house being removed (cold!) and a night ahead with Bo (she’s from Ann Arbour Michigan (!)) and Kate and the watching of a certain Gregory House.

I love you all to infetesimal particles of scratchy mica.

M

split second November 23, 2007

so today at about 1:35 everything in the world all of a sudden made sense to me. I was walking down one of those learning themed named boulevards at UBC, a normal kind of activity, having an hour to waste needlessly between classes when it all just struck me at once. I felt all the university emotions all rolled up in one purple jacketed package. The eerie sense of complete aloneness in those massive school cafeterias. The suspicion that no one would really notice if all of a sudden a giant hole swallowed me up as I sauntered down Main Mall. The utter and somewhat foreign hungering for home. Intensely. For my filthy pajama pants and my mom yelling at my brothers downstairs. I was insecure, and dang it all, I LIVE AT HOME! How do the rest of you far-away people deal with this 24/7? It was just the loneliest, soul adjusting feeling ever and it made me want to hibernate the rest of life away. I know this is normal, I’m normal, just one of 50,000 wandering this campus, but still.

Tonight I will engage in the watching of jazz and ballet with a new friend. Perhaps this will calm the qualms.

I love you lovelies all the more.

M

La Kaa-enta! October 28, 2007

it is dark on the third floor in America and i am surrounded by the lumpy forms of my sleepless mom and grandma.

times like these and times like those i wonder why and how and my oh my!

Ok so the long and short ( I met a guy from Vietnam named long on Thursday!) of this whole situa is that I’m stuck in Middle America this weekend and there were people leaning over overpasses supporting Michael Moore. And I learned how blood-relationy I am to a whole bunch of really loony Americans. And how much they love their dog (enough to talk about dear old Coco for two hours straight apparently) And how exactly haggard Kristen at the front desk of the La Quinta Inn can act when she’s “ready to HELP you!”

It was five hours in a car with my grandmother and mom who found it entertaining to talk through the entire hour and a half border line-up (“that woman on the AM 730 was right AFTER all!”) by analyzing every single aspect of the waiting and the cars and the people in the car ahead of us and those idiots on Zero Avenue who budged in line and the drive ahead of us and…shoot me. At the border crossing. PLEASE!

Then Tacoma. Billboard and Taco-dome city. Our relatives live in the middle of nowhere on 34! Acres and have a house straight out of the Spring 1978 Better Homes and Gardens Issue. But she’s sweet and he’s “gone” (Alzheimer’s unfortunately) and their son is home from 14 years in Los Angeles and talks like an American and LOVES every little thing we do and says “MAN!” excitedly every 4 seconds and loves to say our names as if we’ve just won an Oscar. Strange mannerisms and strange folk and angelfood cake with double churned chocolate ice cream.

But in the end the old relatives are innocent and harmless. And have the shined up souls of five year olds. And when you hug them it feels as though they have no bones at all and are simply cardigans wrapping up bundles of 90 year old flesh, which creases just like folded paper apparently.

Also I have appropriated an eye-twitch of endearing proportions and cut my hair off.

Christmas cometh.

wait…they don’t love you like I love you October 18, 2007

hi.

I am currently living in a cloud world, swathed in pyjamas and very successfully procrastinating against doing any sort of studying for my upcoming Geography midterm. Lately campus life has been sort of a haze and for no good reason either. The newness has worn off and I am slowly coming to realize the extremity of having 4 whole years of schooling to go. I go through my motions and talk to someone new every day, but it seems like all I ever think seriously about is the future. Which is exciting as of late, as Daniella and I are planning on moving in together in January if it’s possible. So lately my mind has been covered in rent prices and lease agreements and bankbooks and cheques., all aspects of life I’ve never really thought about before. Shows alot about my mindset. Last night Irene and I saw a really fascinating movie about China and materials and recycling at the Norm Theatre at UBC. I was so impassioned by the whole idea and the things they set forth that I wanted to just buy it on the spot and watch it everyday to avoid sinking into midset where you forget about important issues like these until someone reminds you again.

Constant conciousness seems to evade me.

Cheers.

Binocular October 11, 2007

I think this is why I am splitting into a million atoms and being flung and scattered along West Broadway every day.

“Wee then, this is what I was trying to say-if you understand it now-when I said that of all the things that are related to something, those that are merely themselves are related to things that are merely themselves, while those that are of a particular sort are related to things of a particular sort. However, I don’t mean that the sorts in question have to be the same for them both. …. I mean that, when knowledge became, not knowledge of the thing itself that knowledge is of, but knowledge of something of a particular sort, the result was that it itself became a particular sort of knowledge, and this caused it to be no longer called knowledge without qualification, but-withthe addition of the relevant sort-medical knowledge or whatever.”

Plato-The Republic

I didn’t make that up. This is everyday, day after day of read this incoherent passage on metaphysics and then discuss discuss discuss and write me 7 pages on you original critical thoughts on Plato and Homer and Genesis and Kant and PHILOSOPHY!

I am melting down.

Last night I had a dream that Palestinian children were showing me around Israel and that we were all in Vegas and Mike was going to rob a bank, and rather non-chalantly, and that I was going to be implicated and where could I go?

Give me a brain and maybe some peace?

Jasmine-Green and smelling of friends…. September 29, 2007

I apologize. This lack of postiness has been due to part of my brain continually…well..being eaten by UBC, leaving me therefore in my present state, which is WOW! I made it this far! I have come to that feeling after being SO positively scared for UBC, not wanting to go, and then voila! I have friends! I am not the only loner on campus! People want to spend time with me! So yes….ArtsOns, my little program of 100 people or so, is lovely and CONFUSING to the hilt. As I have mentioned to others, I have genius children in my 20 person discussion group, who are captivating and intelligent to the extreme. They word drop with suggestions like “this text has an effect of self-effort” and ” the concept of natural Pantheonism” among others. Besides that, I am thoroughly involved with a great Christian group on campus that I absolutely love, despite having to bus an extra hour out to their meetings on days when I don’t even NEED to go to school. Such is life… and life is so much better now that I imagined it would be a month into UBC. I am actually thinking of staying here for a second year before running away to Paris, but living on campus for sure, which seems to be the key to all magick-ness. And today I had coffee with a girl who also has IBS at her house and I was amazed! There are really cute little complexes out there that strongly remind me of Katy’s apartment in Steveston. I practically expected to see her lovely face around the corner!

On that note I must go as the 496 comes soon and I miss all of you too much!

M